Stuff I'm learning from Google Analytics

A few months ago, I signed to set up Google Analytics for It uses a little embedded tag in the web pages to keep track of web traffic in more depth than my usual log analysis would show. It's free and pretty cool. But it's teaching me stuff I didn't know about my traffic.

In the past month, for example, Google Analytics tells me:

  • I had two visits from Iceland
  • 100 from Brazil
  • One each from Zambia and Botswana
  • 40 from Russia
  • 66 from Saudia Arabia ... 40 from Iran ... only two from Syria
  • Two from Khazakstan (wa wa wee wa!)
  • 4,334 absolute unique visitors. Seriously?
  • 18 viewed on their Playstation Portable, 4 on the PS3, 3 on the wii
  • 79% of visitors use Internet Explorer, 16% use Firefox, with Safari, Opera and PSP following
  • 86% arrive from search engines, mostly Google. 7.5% come directly. 6.77% show up through referring sites.
  • Most popular search key words are "big ass" (67%), "bigass", "ass big" and "big ass adventures"
  • Only 4% of visitors indicate they still use dial-up

Now ... more than four thousand visitors? Granted, most of you are looking for big ass. Big ass videos, big ass adventures, big ass small waist, whatever. I'm clearly getting most of my traffic from folks looking for large behinds. Sure, they find it, but unless they're looking for "hairy big ass" or "sweaty big ass" or "maritime big ass eating pizza and cheeseburgers and sometimes donairs", I'm probably not the big ass they're looking for.

Still -- you big ass hunters -- drop a note, huh? Fine, you speak Greek or Italian or French -- or Estonian, a lot of you. "Suur Eesel üli-täht!" Write some comments. Send an email. Show yourselves, dammit! I feel like people are calling me up night and day and not even saying "oops, wrong number!" before hanging up.

Miscellaneous updates

Alright, in an effort to clear the backlog of stuff-I-ain't-blogged-about lately ... here's a clearinghouse post about things and junk.

My noon-hour news show has been dropped in favour of more talk-show action. They've shrunk the noon newscast to seven action-packed minutes. It's going alright. The big afternoon news wheel now starts at 3pm instead of 3:30. An extra half-hour of reading. Interesting times! Ratings are on. Let's hope for big numbers.

I think the station is really taking hold. I can tell because of the influx of crackpot callers. We've had recent contact from conspiracy theorists convinced of the reality of chemtrails, lizard people, cattle mutilation and, of course, the 9/11 doubters.

I earned my Yellow Belt at taekwondo just before the summer vacation. The test was a little nerve-wracking, with lots of new Korean terminology to remember. I'm still not smooth and graceful and balanced and powerful, but I'm getting a helluva workout and learning new kicks and punches and strikes and painful holds.

Britney Spears did not look fat on the VMAs. Her dance routine was weak, but she looked just fine, thankyouverymuch.

All these earthquakes lately! How long 'til the big one?

The Belgians want to prosecute the Church of Scientology for fraud and extortion, alleging unlawful practices in medicine, violating privacy laws and using illegal business contracts. Go for it!

I've been back in the studio recording more music. It's fun. Latest recording has been a bit of a departure from past rocking efforts -- taking on Buenas Tardes Amigo by Ween.

Biking to work is fun. Halifax is full of hills, so it's a challenge. I get to work sweaty, but I get home a lot faster.

Nova Scotia's Utility and Review Board has turned down an appeal by heritage groups seeking to block the construction of two 27-storey towers in downtown Halifax. I've got no problem with having such a development in the city. After participating in the process to review and/or challenge the construction of the giant Minto Midtown condos at Yonge and Eglinton in Toronto, I learned to separate NIMBYism from the bigger issues. As much as I don't want the Halifax harbour view blocked, I don't have any other real objections to the "Twisted Sisters" development.

I hear my alma mater Ryerson University now has the only academic HDTV studio in North America. Way to go Rye High! Thanks to Matt from RTA 95 who invited me to the Facebook alumni group -- sorry bud, I'm still not on Facebook. Anyone in the group is welcome to post this web address to the wall or whiteboard or whatever thing they have there.

I tried shrimp recently when Amanda bought some at the Superstore and we grilled it up with steak. And we both tried scallops (pronounced "scollops" out here). She liked them both more than I did, but I didn't hate 'em. Good on me for trying new foods.

Overhauling the old web site is on my perpetual "to-do" list, but it never gets "to-done", in part because it's been almost a decade since I've done any real web work. My 1997-vintage skillz don't hold up today. And neither does my software. Last time I redid the site, I was using Microsoft Frontpage. I find out today that Frontpage doesn't exist any more. So, I don't know what to do to remake the site. Idears?

Are you getting enough Vitamin D? CTV News keeps running stories about how taking 1000 IU of Vitamin D every day is supposed to prevent cancer and do other good things for yo' body. So that's what I'm doing now. Can't say it's making me feel any less cancerous, but, y'know, time will tell.

Calvin Klein coolmax underwear is fantastic. Happy birthday to me. Thanks, baby!

A PR person contacted me recently to ask how many visitors I get here at I checked Google Analytics and was astonished at how many -- more than four-thousand, it said. That just don't seem right. Anyway, turns out the lady does PR for Philips Canada. Methinks she arrived here because of my earlier campaign to bring the Philips Bodygroom to Canada. In case you missed it -- it's here now. Hairy dudes, get it. Partners of hairy dudes -- get it for them.

Other web sites to keep you busy 'til I get at this thing again: - my old friend Cindy writes about celebrities, the news, stress, rage, anger, and motherhood. - The Wrestling Observer. Wrestling news without pictures. - The worst of professional wrestling. - A funny guy who collects stuff in a way that would never be allowed in my home. - Don't make fun of my Star Wars collection. Compared to this, I don't HAVE one. - Ontario radio people who write on the internet. I'd say more, but they'd probably tear me a new one under assorted pseudonyms. - Atlantic-Canadian radio people who only write nice things. - Q&A about video editing, converting, encoding, etc. Geek stuff, for sure. - Look at all the Halifax graffiti. And look at how the "graffiti artists" who call themselves "writers" can't spell, use punctuation, or conduct themselves with any sense of decorum or respect. The blogger has a good heart, though. - Read what departed Scientologists have to say about their time in the "Church". - See how spam, crackpots, trolls, intellectuals and wannabes interact around the subject of Scientology. - You play guitar? You want these toys.

and finally ... - Funny cats. Lolz. Seriously, I'm laughing all day with this one.

Okay, that's it. I'm done for now. Time to make more news.

More Schmaps!

For the third time, the folks at Schmap! have included some of my photography in one of their internet-based tourist guides. This time, they've tackled Calgary, where I ventured last year to help launch a new all-news radio station. We had lunch at a nice place in the Eau Claire Market, and I snapped a picture of our meal, plus Amanda's hand, featuring a ring she'd just acquired at one of the shops. You can see it in context on the Schmap! site. And, as always, here's a box so you can grab your own free Schmap!


Yes, yes, I know. I promised to update the blog, and I haven't. Stuff to be covered when I get around to it include:

  • the summer vacation to Ontario, Quebec and Annapolis Royal (pictures already on flickr)
  • the big Cape Breton wedding of Scott Simpson and Laura Graham, including video of Big Ass Superstar performing at the Celtic Music Interpretive Centre
  • updates on the new album (?)
  • you may have missed my birthday. It was August 12. I'm 34 now.
  • and other whatnot, including why gay men love my flickr page, tales of softball heroics, and how cinammon buns can sabotage six months' worth of weight loss

Today was my last day at work, and I'm okay with that

Today marks a weird spot on the calendar for me. It’s one of those landmarks that really doesn’t mean anything, other than to illustrate the...