Big Ass Advice 4: Fat Guy Fashion

Fat Guy Fashion is a rarely-addressed topic, even on a venue like the Interweb which is presumed to be loaded with fat men.

Google visitors wonder: are there good clothes for fat guys?

My logs show searches for, among other things: fat guys that think they're hot, chubby guy fashion, fashion for fat guys, fashion style fat guys, best stores for fat guys, best fat guy fashion, cool clothes for fat guys and chubby guys fashion styles.

So what's a large (but not tall) man to do?


Askmen.com has advice for the fashionable fat man:

• Ensure your clothes aren’t too tight
• Don’t wear tops with sloped shoulders
• Don’t wear bold patterns
• Wear low-rise bottoms
• Empty your pockets
• Wear V-neck shirts
• Wear three-button blazers
• Stand up straight
• Avoid bulky blazers
• Wear pants with a longer hem

Good advice for fat fashionistos in the making, but there must be more. How about for short, chubby guys? Hairy bears with no clothes to style and profile?

A fat fashion thread at 4-ch doesn't offer much -- the posters just suggest dressing up.

Probably the best article on clothes for chubby dudes is a short one at dethroner.com:

• Buy the smallest size in which you feel comfortable. You’re chunky. You know this. So does everybody else. I personally tend to judge myself much harder than anyone else that knows me does. (At least when it comes to looks; I regularly am reminded by friends and coworkers that I’m an asshole.) Nobody is going to see you walk in with a new outfit and think, “Gee, Fat Commander is looking especially fat today.” Properly-fitting clothes will actually make you look less chunky than if you’re wearing size XXX^10L shirts. You don’t look like you’re a rapper; You look like an elephant hiding in a yurt.

That said, make sure you can still move around. You’re looking for a sweet spot between roll-hugging and muu-muu.

• Dark is better. Here’s an experiment: Put on one white t-shirt in your default size. Now replace it with a black one. Ignoring the fact that plain white t-shirts are only acceptable attire for extremely built dudes and The Fonz, you’re going to look slimmer in darker colors.

• Stay clean. You know that gross fatty that everyone wants to avoid? Most people aren’t harshing on him because he’s pudged out; He’s just farging disgusting. Being overweight and dirty is about five times as bad as being slim and dirty. (I’m speaking from experience here. People are happy to avoid sitting next to me on the subway when I’m the only guy sweating in October.)

Keep your beard and hair trimmed and styled. Avoid long hair entirely. Wash every day—there are more folds on your body within which smells can bloom. If you’re large, you’ll sweat more in general, so plan on washing your clothes between every wear.

• Don’t wear giant pants. It sucks trying to find pants when you’re large, because to get them big enough in the waist they tend to be too long. Don’t roll ‘em up—get them tailored to the proper length or buy from a store that carries large sizes.

• Untucked shirts are fine, but keep them ironed. You get a special reprieve on the shirt tucking rule, but do yourself a favor and get your shirts dry cleaned or ironed. Nasty rumpled shirt tails flapping around make an already shabby look shabbier.

Amanda's gone a long way toward helping me dress better. A long way. But I tend to backslide into less-flattering clothes after a few months. Perhaps this guide to fat guy fashion will get me back on the lookin'-good bandwagon.

Any more suggestions, internet crowd? Suggestions other than "lose weight, you hump!"