Skip to main content

Translatable obsessiveness, part 2

Here are two thoughts about how the personality quirks I noted in part 1 may be standing in my way.

First, I'm about learning and knowing. I learn and learn and learn. I gather information and re-read the same stuff in endless permutations, jumping from basics to advanced to way-beyond-my-comprehension, back to advanced, back to basic and over and over until I either thoroughly get it and get it completely ... or I reach the ceiling of my comprehension and just let it be.

But I don't have a consistently great record for taking action with that knowledge. Sure, I knew a lot about computers -- but did I build a good web site? No, I build an okay web site and let it sit. Sure, I learned a lot about Scientology -- but did I do anything significant to stop them? No, I told everyone I knew the evils of Scientology and chatted with folks at the Toronto Org a few times. Sure, I read a ton about money management -- but did I get rich? No, not yet. I'm building a sizeable cache of shares and I have a decent retirement portfolio on the build, and I'll be in decent shape for wealth management in the years to come, but I'm not a big wheeler and dealer.

I learn a lot -- I know a lot -- I get really really smart -- but I don't always *do* stuff with it.

Second, I noted the transitive nature of my obsessions. Even when I dive in and start off strong with something, I have a tendency to let it trail off as time goes on. Even my taekwondo, which I've really enjoyed since starting a year and a half ago. I've only gone once since they moved the gym a few weeks ago. That's not cool.

That's not to say that I have a terrible track record when it comes to making stable, positive changes in my life. This isn't the forum to talk about all of 'em, but I've tackled several challenges head-on and stuck with them. Some of them have been difficult and without immediate visible gain. I know I have what it takes to do what's hard and what's right and make it go. Especially when other people are at stake.

So, that takes me back to where I was in the first post. I have the tools -- what's stopped me from applying them to smoking and fatness?

More to come.

Comments

  1. Ah yes, read this blog http://www.blogickal.com/... You are not alone my friend! And changes can be made, no problem. The work can be done!
    Nay!
    IT SHALL BE DONE!!!!

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

A request, as we reach two years

Wow, long time no write.

I didn't enjoy this past winter. I was certainly in a long slump. Things were very challenging at work. Gordon was awesome, as always, but I was just in a sustained funk from last summer on. And I'm not sure I'm all the way out of it yet. I'm still largely in quiet hermit mode, but have been making progress at resuming social contact. Little dude and I have a very busy summer that will go by in a flash.

This Thursday will mark two years since Amanda died. I still replay the events of that night in my head almost every day. I'd like to not. Sometimes it feels like forever ago, but sometimes I'm right there all over again.

Hey, can I ask for your help with something?

Two years ago, so many wonderful people told me that if there was anything they could do to help .... Well, I don't ask often. And I should've asked more. And I should ask more even now. I'm still not comfortable asking. But I'm asking for this.

I put out a vi…

Today was my last day at work, and I'm okay with that

Today marks a weird spot on the calendar for me. It’s one of those landmarks that really doesn’t mean anything, other than to illustrate the weirdness of time and how we feel it.

As of today, my son Gordon has been without his mother longer than he was with her. The length of time Amanda has been gone is now longer than the length of time we were a family of three. Sometimes it doesn’t feel like it’s been that long, but that dangblasted calendar tells me it’s almost three years. I have not said a word about it to G, but tonight, for the first time in a long time, he pulled out the Missing Mummy book for bedtime.

Today was my last day in broadcasting for a while, as far as I can tell.

I spent the past five years as Program Director at Newstalk 1290 CJBK in London, Ontario. And in recent years, I was also the noon-hour show host, afternoon news anchor, a commercial voice guy, TV news promo voice guy, and more.

Also in the past five years, I’ve bought a house, endured renovation mayhem, …

Meh. Extended Meh.

I haven't posted here in quite a while. There are a few things I haven't done in quite a while. For a while, I've been kind of meh.

In late August, Gordon and I went for the long-awaited trip to Nova Scotia. It was an epic journey, three years in the making. We visited places he'd only heard about. We spent time with friends he hadn't seen in more than a year. We took Amanda's ashes back to the ocean as she requested.


We were there for a week and were on the move almost every day. We put 1000 km on the rental car in between flying there and flying back.

It was excellent, but it was also exhausting. And I found myself different in the weeks after.

Before, I was going out. I was being social. I was busy and optimistic.

After, I seemed to drop contact with almost everyone. I thought I was just tired, then I thought I'd shifted into some different gear of creativity or contemplation. But the months have worn on and I'm still not quite back to where I was. I…