Friday, June 6, 2008

Local fat radio guy tired of being fat

Local fat radio guy tired of being fat

HALIFAX (BAS) -- Sources close to local fat radio guy Scott Simpson say he's grown tired of being fat.

"He seems to get this way every once in a while," says a friend. "He eats those cinnamon buns for months, drinks his energy drinks and chocolate milk, then suddenly one day decides he's too fat."

A sales rep from Nubody's gym at Halifax's Scotia Square confirms that Simpson paid for a year's membership this spring but has yet to walk through the door even once to break a sweat.

Simpson made several weak attempts to get into shape in years past. One effort in the late 1990s earned him an award from the Radio & Television News Directors' association. Nearly ten years later, Simpson auditioned for the documentary series X-Weighted in an effort to turn his newfound maturity into physical action. The show moved production to other cities in Canada, leaving Simpson to attempt fitness on his own again. Despite signs of progress, the effort was ultimately unsuccessful.

"Now he's saying he's too poor to afford smoking," says an unnamed coworker of the fat news anchor. "He loaded up his online banking and kept muttering about not having enough to buy cigarettes any more. Frankly, all this money sh*t is getting pretty tiresome. I almost wish he'd go back to ranting about Scientology."

Friends say Simpson, whose weight has drifted between 185 pounds and more than 230 pounds in the past decade, has spent most of his adult life in the 220 pound range.

Health Canada reports his current Body Mass Index is 36, considered Obese Class II, indicating a very high risk of health problems related to weight. The only recent bright spot on his health record is a blood pressure reading from a local visit with a new family doctor: 128/84.

Sources suggest the time may be coming soon for the fat radio guy to take action.

"When other people have problems, he jumps in like he knows what's best for everyone," says one confidante. "But when it comes to his own flaws, he talks a big game, plans everything to death, and ends up getting nothing done. He's got two excuses for every one good idea he comes up with. He's his own worst enemy with this stuff.

"If you ask me, he's going to have to give up all the fancy talk, start eating his own cooking, and just get his big ass in gear and take care of business. I sure hope so, 'cuz all his complaining about being fat, broke and out of breath is really getting on everyone's nerves."

"Yeah, and he frickin' reeks of cigarette smoke all the time," added another source. "Just gross. 'Nuff said."

11 comments:

  1. Maybe you and I can make a competition out of getting our asses in gear. For example, I plan to ride my bike to work tomorrow morning. Unless it's raining out tomorrow at 4am. Or cold. Or windy. Or marginally sketchy-looking. :)

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  2. I'm no dietician, but I did lose 60 pounds myself (seriously). If I may offer my advice, I'd say weight loss is about two things - running and eating smaller portions. I can't guarantee success if you follow those two tenets, but if you do, I guarantee success.

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  3. Update -- I rode my bike to work this A-M, thus burning calories AND saving $6- $7 in cab fare.

    That's me throwing my gloves down, Simpson! :P

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  4. GOod thoughts, all...

    jason: we'll chat...

    giga: sure, repring away!

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  5. Well you have identified the symptoms--lost 4o pounds and promptly put it back on. Stopped smoking and re-started--probably the dumbest move ever. Committed to an exercise program, but never attended. Check out the mirror....there must be an obvious reason. If you did it once, (or two or three times), there seems little reason you cannot do it again, and keep the weight off and ditch the life critical habit. And be a role model to others close to you.

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  6. Can we still call you "Big Ass Superstar" if you lose some pounds?

    Small ass superstar just don't sound right.


    q

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  7. Too poor to smoke? There must be some sort of social assistance program that can help you, to give you money to buy cigarettes. And beer.

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  8. I'll check my nearest social worker to see if she can hook me up with a regular cheque.

    Speaking of which -- revcan just sent my dearie a bill for her last GST cheque... one sent last year, based on the previous tax year .. all 'cuz we both listed ourselves as commonlaw this year, and I claimed (but didn't get) the GST thingy last year ... all in all, stupid stupid.

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  9. Only one GST rebate for a "Family" and it goes to the lower income earner--and there is a cap on the family income.

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  10. Awesome post, LMAO!!! But seriously, folks, if you're ready to Lose It all it comes down to is time, energy and complete focus on the Goal.
    You Can Do Eeeeet !!!

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