Skip to main content

Considering braces

I was flipping through the teevee the other night, and landed on a show called Style By Jury on the dubya network. It's similar, kinda, to Extreme Makeover -- only more Canadian in terms of budget and production. They recruit a mark, put her in front of a focus group which, behind a see-thru mirror, criticize her appearance. Not viciously, just "honestly." Then they set the mark up with relevant aesthetic and lifestyle services. In this case, a woman had laser acne treatment, porcelain veneers, laser eye surgery, a new hairstyle and makeup, and spa treatment including some much-needed romance time with her fiancee. Looked like the lady deserved it, caring for a special-needs son and all.

Anyway, I got to thinking ... if I had a bit of money stuffed away ... which I do ... and I had some things I'd like to change ... which I do ... what would I do?

I consider my reactions when I see pictures of myself:
- Jee-zus, where'd my hair go?!
- Holy crap, I'm fat.
- Oh gawd, I have such goofy teeth.
- Oh, yes, I have glasses.

So, going down the list of solutions, I considered:
- My hair is going. I'll have to accept that. I've never been impressed with the results of other peoples' hair-replacement efforts. I don't want to look like "Spike" Gallagher or "Mel" Lastman. I may consider something for this eventually, but for now, I'm going to aim to embrase my Quibellesque hair pattern.
- The fat thing is thoroughly documented here. Surgical weight loss doesn't appeal to me. Liposuction is disturbingly violent and just doesn't sit well with me. We've watched a season of Big Medicine, and none of the stomach-reduction surgeries make me want 'em either. Getting un-fat is going to have to be an old-fashioned procedure.
- As much as it'd be nice to have great sight without glasses, it's not extremely high on my priority list. My glasses look alright, and they don't interfere with my lifestyle too much. I can see well enough that I can navigate around the apartment without them and not risk grievous bodily harm.
- My teeth. My teeth are goofy and gappy. There's the target.

I missed the "it's cool for adults to have braces" opportunity by a few years -- you probably remember back in the early 00's when it was almost trendy. Someone told me it was a Tom Cruise-led thing, which makes me glad I wasn't part of the fad.

My parents tell me they encouraged me to get braces when I was a child, but I refused. I don't remember that, but I'm not about to say they're lying.

My teeth are fairly straight. They're clean and in decent condition. They're just spaced a little funny. They're gappy and goofy. It's one thing that discouraged me from getting into television years ago -- I mean, you don't see many goofy-toothed folks on television, Letterman aside.

So, what to do? Braces can be in places for two years or longer. How would I feel as a 36-year-old with train tracks? Or more importantly, how would I feel as a 36-year-old with a gorgeous smile?

Braces are expensive. I haven't had a consultation yet, but prices I've seen suggest it'll cost at least $5000. I see home ownership in my future in the years to come. Would that conflict, or is it a reasonable price to pay?

I talk for a living. Would braces interfere with my delivery? Or would I adjust smoothly?

I'd have to change my eating habits. Okay, that's a good idea anyway.

So, those are some of the things I've been considering. I have a consultation booked with one of the city's top orthodontists. He'll presumably give me the low-down on most of those issues. I should probably get at least two estimates before making any decisions.

I'll let you know how it goes.


  1. Not only did your parents offer to pay for braces, the dentist thought they would be a good idea. Braces are not all silver raiway tracks . I think they can sometimes put them on the underside of teeth too. Check your company dental coverage also.

  2. The only problem is they could potentially interfere with your News Anchoring.(as you have already mentioned) I wore braces when I was 23, and was going through the course for Radio Broadcasting, and sometimes they posed a bit of a problem. Once they were removed, the retainer was a nightmare for my speech! Caused a major lisp! At least it could be taken out whenever I wanted.

  3. If they do affect your speech, it should only be a matter of a day or two. I didn't have any issues with speech when I had em. I get lots of compliments on my nicely corrected teeth. Go for it--you'd spend that much maintaining your car over the years (if you had one), so why not invest in yourself?

  4. I'm with your little sister on this one.

    If I had the money I'd be first in line to extreme makeover myself. I'd like to go one day actually where people would look at me and say, wow, she's stunning.

    Sadly, that will never happen.

  5. BIG MEDICINE Season 2 on TLC
    Premieres January 9th 10pm EST/10pm PST/9pm CST

    TLC’s hit show is back for its second season! Big Medicine returns with bigger and better stories than ever as individuals undertake drastic measures to take a bite out of their obesity. From a previously 1000lb man looking to take his first step in 7 years, to a devastated mother looking to complete her weight loss transformation after losing her daughter to suicide, the stories captivate, and inspire. We’ll see how obesity affects people’s sex lives, relationships and changes marriages forever. Tears will be shed, smiles will be shared, and hope will be instilled as Big Medicine proves there is light at the end of everyone’s tunnel!

  6. I never thought TLC would get into blog spamming. Too bad -- I watch this show.


Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Gordon turns four and has questions

Gordon wanted to know where mommy went.

Not what happened to her body, but where SHE went.

We celebrated his fourth birthday this weekend with three gatherings. One at our house with his little friends. One at nana and grampa's house. One in Stratford with the Simpson clan.

The big party for the kids was a success. I'd never planned such an event. Thank goodness for the Internet, where I found a Martha Stewart article that laid out the basics. And thank goodness for Party City, which had a ton of Transformers party stuff ready to buy. I wasn't feeling well, but managed to pull it off. Thanks to sister Shannon and SIL Amy for being the Designated Adults who helped in wrangling and last-minute logistics. G thought the whole event was kind of loud, but he really enjoyed it. And I feel like a winner for making it happen -- some of the other parents even chimed in that they now know what goes into a kid's party, since they were as clueless as me! Great!

Great time at nana&#…

The sweet smell of success (the opposite of that)

Let me lock in the system at warp 2 Push it into systematic overdrive - U know what 2 do - Ween, "Poop Ship Destroyer"
Pardon the juvenile humour off the top, but this journey has been so unreal that I can't help but fall back on laughing in the absence of appropriate things to say.

Amanda's headed for another big surgery this week.

Quick recap of how we got here: She went into hospital in late January to have her ovarian cancer tumours taken out. That surgery ended up taking a foot-long chunk of her colon, so they spliced what was left to her nature-given outlet. Well, that blew apart and she went for emergency colostomy surgery. THAT didn't work, either, as illustrated by our guiding light with the scalpel hand and the silver tongue, Dr. Sugimoto:

The business end of the remaining colon sloughed its way back into her insides and strictured itself off, creating a cul-de-sac with no escape for poop nor gas. They put her on TPN (full nutrition by IV) but let her …

Things get much worse as tumours spread fast

Things crawl in the darkness
That imagination spins
Needles at your nerve ends
Crawl like spiders on your skin

Pounding in your temples
And a surge of adrenaline
Every muscle tense —
To fence
The enemy within - Rush, "The Enemy Within"
We don't know how or why, if there is a how or a why, but Amanda's cancer has woken up and is on the move, double-time. Things have become much worse in the time since the last update.

At that point, the docs had found a couple of spots on her ribs that were causing her pain. They zapped it with radiation to give her some relief.

Since then, things have progressed quickly.

Just after the hospital stay when they were trying to get Amanda's pain under control, docs found more bone metastases in her sacrum (large, triangular bone at the base of the spine) and iliac crest (the big wing-like bone on the pelvis where they harvest bone marrow). More radiation. This time, the radiation hasn't knocked the pain down.
Then she had headac…