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Alli: the diet pill that makes you fart oil

Ruth points me to a funny article over at the Angry Aussie blog which outlines some of the disgusting but true side effects -- sorry, "treatment effects" -- of the newly FDA-approved, over-the counter, fat-blocking diet pill called Alli. It compares the Web-Site BS to a No-BS translation:

WSBS: The excess fat that passes out of your body is not harmful. In fact, you may recognize it as something that looks like the oil on top of a pizza.
No BS: Oh dear god. Pizza is one of my favourite foods and these evil fucks have done their best to turn me off it for life. It will be very hard to look at a pizza again without wondering if someone on this drug has taken a shit on it.
WSBS: Eating a low-fat diet lowers the chance of these bowel changes. (my emphasis)
No BS: Even if you do cut back on fat, you're still going to shit oil.
WSBS: ...pick a day to begin taking alli, such as a weekend day so you can stay close to home if you experience a treatment effect.
No BS: Do not go out in public after taking this drug. You are going to shit yourself. Stay close to a toilet.
WSBS: If you're getting ready to travel or attend a social event, hold off on starting with alli until the event is over.
No BS: Don't say you weren't warned. You are seriously going to shit yourself.

Angry Aussie rightly points out that the drug-maker says pill-takers should be eating properly and exercising to get the best effect from the medicine. However, people who are exercising and eating properly are perhaps not likely to need to take a pill that makes them into a walking WD-40 can.

I also recommend reading the comments on the blog post. Interesting stuff:
The warnings fail to do justice to the cacophonic anointing your world will undergo if you use this digestive Trojan horse. If you are brave enough to venture into public, understand that even if you consume nothing but water and parched fiber, your bowels will deliver something completely indescribable without so much as a hint that you no longer have even a shred of control of your digestive output aperture. No pucker is strong enough to withstand the unatural forces that will exit your body against even heroic efforts to the contrary.

Comments

  1. Yep, nothing makes you feel prouder of the company you work for than a pill like that.

    Saving the world we are ;)

    Steph

    ReplyDelete
  2. I had to read this out loud to Wendall, Scott. Thanks for giving us our best laugh of the week!

    ReplyDelete
  3. I tried these horrid pills when we first moved to Cameron. It is TRUE, no matter how carefully you eat, you will shit yourself. I was afraid we might need to replace the septic tank if I was to continue using them. Dad said they should just be a suppository!

    ReplyDelete
  4. A guy at work was on that drug (or something darn similar). He pooped his pants at work, while palletizing. Note that the uniforms at work are "whites", white cotton shirts and pants...so this indescretion was plainly evident. Seems that some of his co-workers found it a little unsavoury to be pooping oneself in a FOOD plant.

    ReplyDelete
  5. There are many different types of weight loss pills on the market today. This article discusses precautions that should be considered before taking any weight loss pills.

    ReplyDelete

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